A thought for me.

Today I sit and wondering how come god chose this life for me. Does he know something that I don't yet know or understand? Does he think I am stronger than I am? I may act strong but I am weakening, I can take no more pain.  I don't know why I have to handle this without a husband or at all. Why can't I be able to live my dream, the life I wanted as a little girl. To have the best job in the world that girls every where are getting to be even those not capable.
 I don't understand why when I learn to get by to adjust to life. Start something new, like teaching dance again and helping more with the studio something has to ruin it. I got really sick this last summer and was in the hospital and nursing home from July 10th to September 6th. While there I got a feeding tube. It is causing me problems now and I keep respiratory infections since December. I have missed dance alot and its hard.
Spring is a time when babies tend to born so its really hard for me. I am happy for my friends who are about to have a baby or having a baby this year its just hard seeing them with a family that I desperately want but can't have.
I will try to think happy and be happy.
Love Yourself.

Dance

Well yesterday I had the oppertunity to take some dancers to the festival trees. While we were there our director got told that one of our groups was to dark for primary childrens medical center and that we were not going to be invited back and had to leave. They would not allow us to finish our performance the last group got to dance but we were not allowed to do our finale. That upset alot of us.  The costumes they were talking about were not in my oppinion dark at all and neither was the music that they were complaining about infact the whole routine was funny and awsome. Yes the costumes were black but it was a hip hop routine and they were not scary or anything. Anyway while we were there I got to stretch the little kids and that was a blast they are just so cute and I made alot of new little friends.
 We have a recital coming up next saturday that will be alot of fun. Santa will be there and the dances are so awsome.

Life in 2012

Wow two in one day I am on a roll. I am teachimg dance this year and love every minute of it. The little ones in my class are so cute they are the youngest in the studio and watching them try to copy me and my dance teacher is so adorable. I love seeing them figure something out it makes my night. We had a halloween party on wed and even though I was not there I do have a picture I will post below.

  Also I got a puppy in september and she is doing great. She is getting so big her name is peanut and she is part rat terrior and part teddy bear chiuaua. She weighs about three to four pounds now and is so loveable. She is my baby and I love her and spoil her alot.

 

Its been a long time since I updated this blog and alot has happened.

First and far most I had my heart surgery in Feburary of this year. It has made such a diffrence in my oxygen levels and heart rate.

Second I had a stroke in March and am still recovering from that. The way my brain works to see in the lower right quadrant is poor and my memory and the feeling in my right side is still pretty bad but all in all it turned out to be ok.

Third I started a new medication for my asthma and it is working wonders. Even though I still have my hard times they are no where near as bad as they used be.

Fourth I am no longer allergic to milk.

Questions for the Lord

Lord I am not one to ask for help
I try to keep on going,
Today I sit and wonder if
My life will ever be the same,
Don’t I deserve to be happy lord?
To be healthy and live a normal life,
I am so far from where I want to be
And lord I don’t understand why,
Why must I suffer everyday?
Why can’t I win this battle?
When is it my turn lord?
To be a mom and a wife,
My dreams you are taking
I do not understand why
Why Lord can’t I be normal
Why can’t my grandma be here to comfort me.
I am sad lord,
Sad that I am angry
And angry that I am sad
Please help me Understand,
This plan for me you have,
Allow me to be comforted,
And sleep well tonight.

Just a thought

I had a wonderful Easter.. It started last weekend with the April birthdays and the Easter Party at my Grandmas house. The party was a success. I got to plan and do activities with the younger kids while the older kids did Easter Olympics. It was fun to be able to plan activities again. It brought back memories of teaching at the daycare. I was always doing some sort of art project in my infant room and the toddler room. things from handprint hearts to footprint butterflies. Anyway I also realized that I miss working with babies and toddlers so much. It is hard to believe it has almost been two years since I left Caring for Kids. It is hard not to get depressed that I am not working in a daycare or that I am not anywhere near my dream of being a mom. I am tired of it all but today I realized that through all the trials I have gone through and the ones yet to come that I am strong. I have been through alot and not many people could handle all I have been through with a simi posisitive attitude. I am strong and nothing or no one can bring me down.

This video moved me and really brightend my day!